Thursday, 20 October 2011

Death And Taxes

In life, 'tis impossible to be sure of anything but...

Or something like that.

So, now that this fucker is dead.

Watch your taxes be funneled into propping up this lot.

Ain't taking life grand !

Wednesday, 10 August 2011

The Rioting And Looting

I've thought long and hard about the issue at hand and after much painful analysis I have reached a verdict on how best to deal with it...

On the day that was filmed, at that exact moment in time, evil did not triumph. Because on that day, at that exact moment in time, a good man decided he would not just stand by and do nothing.


Wednesday, 13 July 2011

Staying Till The Bitter End

Well, you wouldn't want to miss the speeches now would you?

Sunday, 3 July 2011

The Law Is The Law

There's a circus in town at the moment featuring an Australian attorney general playing the part of ringmaster and attempting to pass an act requiring all Australians to undress when instructed to do so by his clowns.

Yes! Roll up, roll up! For the most amazing show on Earth!

And it really is that amazing.

That depressingly fucking amazing how many people are actually comfortable to watch a show that mistreats it's animals in that way.

OK. Enough of the circus shit.

Late last year a Muslim bird dressed in a Niqab was pulled up by a man in a funny suit and hat traffic cop and asked to reveal her face to confirm her identity. She was then fined for the completely trivial offence of having her rear P-Plate partly obscured by the car's number plate (It is a trivial offence, but hey, even if it weren't you'de have to admit, what's wrong with partly covering up your P-Plate when you're completely covered up yourself?) Perhaps being slightly taken aback by the revelation that obscuring things down-under is frowned upon or perhaps having never dealt with your average Aussie traffic cop (her driving records would suggest it was the former, not that latter) she innocently mistook his cuntishness for racism and threw a bit of a temper tantrum.

Nothing too out of order, no violence, no crying. Just lots of jumping up and down and screaming 'racist', to no effect.
Carnita Matthews is then alleged to have gotten way out of order when, in the following day or so, she popped down her local nick to make a formal complaint of racial so and so and accuse officer Plod of attempting to tear off her veil. Having been shown by Plod's dashboard camera to be telling porkies she was then sentenced to six months inside, but later escaped doing any time whatsoever by convincing the retrial judge that it wasn't her who made the complaint, oh no, it was some other bird dressed up like one of them ghosts from Pac-Man. 'We all look the same, see' Very clever.

As The All Seeing Eye pointed out, the reaction to the quashing of the sentence from the Islamic communtiy was completely predictable and also culturally appropriate for a bunch of deranged savages. Very funny.

This cluster-fuck of a trial obviously ruffled a few feathers and some in the law enforcement and revenue raising business were 'shocked' to learn that they had no legal powers to physically remove our clothing when we have not committed or been convicted of any crime. Wait until they're told they have no legal powers to taser us just for laughs, they'll be fucking flabbergasted!

Now all this talk of powers to dictate how people dress is catching and some state police departments are urging businesses and shopping centres to create 'hoodie-free zones'. The logic behind this is that crackheads willing to shoot and stab shop-owners for their daily takings will be confronted by a sign politely asking them to remove their hoodie to identify themselves and suddenly no longer feel the need to fund their drug habit. I have my doubts.

It's also catching in that an awful lot of Australians are all for it and say police should have the power to remove a persons clothing when that person has committed no crime and is not under arrest. They then usually back it up with some throw-away statement like 'well if that's the law you must obey it'

Well Carnita Mathews chose to blindly obey certain laws and take a look how that worked out for her... Dressed from head to toe in a bloody garbage bag because 'that is the law'.

Or maybe I'm being a touch over sensitive about all this. I mean police having the powers to strip us of our clothing, how bad can it be, right?


Now, tell me again how more Islam in the West won't result in less freedom for us. Tell me again that Western Governments aren't using this backwards religion as a crowbar to pry us from our rights.


Wednesday, 29 June 2011

Well, Just Fuck Off Then!

No not you, dear reader.

The fucking Pork-Chop pictured below, I mean.

Yes You, Abdul Tiba.
You can just fuck off back to Lebanon, son.
You won't be missed.

"I tell them I want to go back, I don't want to stay in this shit country."

Then fuck off!

"No one helps me in this country, no police, not any community, no St Vincents, no one."

Oh poor you!
Could I help in some way?
Do you need directions to the nearest airport, where upon arriving you could buy a ticket, hop on the very first plane, taxi up the tarmac, prepare for take off and then just fuck right off?

"I've been sleeping in the car. They give me two days in a motel like a fucking gypsy."

What was that? "In a motel like a fucking gypsy"
But Gypsies don't stay in motels.
Gypsies travel about having a good old jolly at the expense of...
Oh now I see. You mean in an Australian taxpayer funded motel.
A motel where you could always just, well you know, check out, leave us to foot the bill and just fuck the fucking fuck off!

But what is it exactly that Abdul Tiba doesn't like about the oh so fucking lucky to have him country?

Well, in his own words:

"Australia country they bring on 2006 from Lebanon all the citizenship, they spend 20 million thousand dollars but no one can spend $1000 to save my family."

And what is it that the Australian taxpayer should spend 20 billion hundred ten nine eight seven six five four three two one and fucking zero dollars on to save Pork Chop and his family from?

Well that would be an escalating gang-war that he and his family are allegedly involved in.

Well, as I said...

Not because you're an immigrant, not because you're Lebanese, not even because you're yet another bearded, middle aged, male, Islamic arsehole making life hard for every other arsehole...

But simply because you dare to come over here and start shooting shit up like some type of outlaw with a big fucking beard.

That's fucking why!

Only Ned Kelly can get away with that shit and he never went squealing to the coppers to protect him and his family.

Which is why we love him and not you.

Now, watch the door on your way out.


Tuesday, 28 June 2011

Waiting In Arrivals For Allah

Perhaps his flight was delayed.
Maybe due to volcanic ash.
Which would serve him right for making volcanoes.
. .

Monday, 20 June 2011

A Kronic Overreaction

Those of you who haven't been bombarded endlessly with state-sanctioned propaganda about the unfathomable dangers of synthetic cannabinoids should think yourselves lucky.

For those of us unlucky enough to live in Australia it's been a nightmarish couple of months of endless newspaper columns, radio segments and news items about how the latest craze of smoking something for personal enjoyment is akin to mowing down puppy dogs while drink-driving above the speed limit and it's been gone about with such, almost religious-like, fervour that it felt like being stuck inside one of those 'Evil Weed' films of the 1930s like Reefer Madness or Assassin Of Youth.

An interesting little journey to say the least but not at all surprising in its outcome.

That outcome of course being that the righteous bansturbators have once again saved us from ourselves and synthetic cannabinoids are now banned in Western Australia, with the rest of Australia soon to follow suit. Remember; this is a country whose government seriously considered trying to outlaw 'planking'. For those who don't know planking is basically lying down. Quite how they would go about outlawing lying down escapes me but I'm guessing it would probably involve bright lights and cattle prods. The Primespinster of Australia, Julia Gillard, even got in on the act by bringing herself down to the level of a teenage hoodlum and commenting on the planking craze.
Churchill fought Hitler, Gillard fights lying down.

Anyway, so the interesting part of the journey was not the end but rather the beginning and the middle, the parts when Kronic and the other legal highs were still, well, legal.
My own dear Father's first reaction, upon hearing that our local delicatessen was selling this over the counter, was

"What? Our deli? So they're selling it to schoolchildren then".

Quite when our family took ownership of a Vietnamese-run delicatessen and how he knew for certain that our employees were selling Kronic to kids, I'm not sure. But such is the wisdom of the baby boomers that I never bothered to question it.
And it became nothing short of fascinating to observe the state having to deal with something they never expect to happen any more i.e. That people may disregard all the government health warnings, all the noises being made from taxpayer-funded concern-groups and go ahead and engage in something that is frowned upon yet completely legal, even something that involves inhaling smoke and getting high.
All the usual tactics were employed but nothing seemed to work. Think of your fitness for work! They cried. Think of your lungs! They wailed. Think of the children! They screamed. But still the workers smoked away. Stoned and happy in the knowledge that these drugs wouldn't show up on any workplace drugs test.

But the Nanny State does know best and the Nanny State won't be outdone - not least when the multi-billion dollar mining industry is pressuring it to act and certainly not when there's money to be made - so when all else failed it just ignored the fact that these drugs were still legal and in showing its true colours it resorted to the old fashioned, heavy handed, tried and tested method of getting its attack dogs in the Police Force to threaten and intimidate people out of engaging in a perfectly legal activity.
The Western Australian health minister, Kim Hames, when commenting on the above outrage, showed us all that not only is he a prat with a girly name but that he also struggles to understand the difference between 'inappropriate' and 'illegal' by moaning

"I just think it's inappropriate - the reality is that we are going to ban a substance that causes harm to people and they're out there promoting it as though it's a wonderful thing".

Unless I am mistaken, it was also Kim Hames who said Kronic use was rife in Australian prisons, without having any proof whatsoever that that was the case and also said he didn't feel for retailers who will suffer after Kronic became outlawed because they 'ran the risk' of selling it whilst it was still legal to do so. By that twisted logic I guess he wouldn't take pity on dairy farmers should milk ever fall foul of his Health Nazis. But really, would you expect compassion from someone who is part of a government-sanctioned program to pump thousands of school kids full of Ritalin and Dexamphetamine in order to make them more manageable in the classroom?

As I said earlier; The Nanny State knows best and won't be outdone...

...Or will it?

According to some sites there will be new formulations of synthetic cannabis launched soon and these will enable Australians to once again reach a legal high.

But only the government didn't see that one coming.


Friday, 10 June 2011

Get It While It's Hot!

This particular clip doesn't seem to last very long out here in cyberspace...

Perhaps that has something to do with the naturally occurring censorship that pollutes the aquifer from which we drink.


Thursday, 9 June 2011

Of Special Police And Naughty Words

Blogging has been a bit light as of late and this is in no small part due to the fact that Australian-based bloggers are now being watched by the 'special' police and that swearing is now a crime downunder...

No, just fucking kidding. I really couldn't give a toss whether my blog is 'being monitored' by a bunch of window-licking freedom-hating cuntbubbles or not and, just in case it isn't fucking clear enough, I will continue to exercise my right to free speech in using profanity, even if that does make me some type of cunting criminal.

On those anti-swearing laws, the headline so far just has to be Heathen Scripture's

And the lost freedom of swearing has of course been added to the growing list of Freedoms Lost.

Anyway, changing the subject just slightly, here is a video that implies that Jesus is not just your run-of-the-mill zombie, but an overly-jealous stalking zombie hell bent on making you suffer for not loving him.
Interesting take on it all, I think.


Sunday, 29 May 2011

Anything You Say In A Taxi...

...Can And Will Be Used Against You In A Court Of Law.

I originally posted about this abomination of an idea a few weeks back but something went wrong and that post seems to have disappeared into the ether.

Anyway the gist of it is that all Australian Taxis will soon have to record all conversations that take place within them. Opening the door or starting the meter will start the tape rolling and every word uttered thereon in will be held for 35 days or until the state has deemed that no speech-crimes took place during the journey.

I can see a lot of business types feeling a little uneasy about taking important calls in Taxis from now on and I also suspect I will get a few strange looks from Taxi Drivers who, upon attempting to start up a friendly conversation, or polish up on their English skills, while at the same time giving me a crash-course in Afsoomaali, will be confronted by my best paranoid-schizophrenic impression and me pointing at the interior light, saying in a hushed tone...

"Shhhhhh, be quite, they're listening!"

News items detailing this fucking outrage can be found here and here.

The Government of Western Australia's new Taxi surveillance standards can be found here.


Sunday Morning Easy Listening On Groompy FM


Wednesday, 25 May 2011

Zippy & George Do Top Gear

"Why do they call you Carmen?
Because I like cars and I like men. What's your name?
Lagerfanny! Ha ha ha ha!"

Tuesday, 24 May 2011

Piss Take Of The Week I

This week's piss taker just has to be Australian Liberal backbencher and compulsive pie-eater, Dr Mal Washer who, on commenting about a parliamentary report that states Australian MPs are overworked, says; 

"At the end of the day, I don't care what the public thinks about this... We don't think as well if we are all fatigued. I am not impressed by the public that doesn't understand, or lacks the intelligence to understand ... that you want productive people."

Not impressed by the public that "lacks the intelligence" to understand a report by greedy, self serving and odious MPs that recommends, amongst other downright outrageous things, that greedy, self serving and odious MPs do not start work until gone bloody lunchtime on Mondays, eh?

Now being a Doctor himself, you would think that Mal would understand that this 'fatigue' he suffers may, in no small part, be due to his age and weight, but that's a story for another day.

Are you, like me, represented by the good Dr Washer in his Moore constituency?

Perhaps you, like me, would care to contact him.

Go on, give him a piece of your mind:

Electorate Office: 3 Boas Avenue, Joondalup WA 6027
Phone (08) 9300 2244
Facsimile (08) 9300 2245
Canberra Office: Parliament House, Canberra ACT 2600
Phone (02) 6277 2114
Facsimile (02) 6277 8587
Email: This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it


You Got A Fast Car...

...But is it fast enough so we can fly away?

Err, no. Actually it isn't.

For the story behind the vid click here.
Just the usual 'Police to harsh on a poor wittle car thief' stuff.

A Licence To Smoke

From The Age: 

''The government should consider issuing smokers with a licence to smoke, which would involve them passing a test, not dissimilar to a driving test,''
''They would get a swipe card with their photo on it and - just like the pre-commitment gambling card - they could say how much they wanted to smoke a day. If it was 10 cigarettes a day you'd get a category one licence, 20 cigarettes would be a category two and there would be a higher cost to the card if you wanted to smoke more. The most anyone could buy would be 60 a day.''

OK, Australian smokers could stand for this if they choose. They could consent to being treated as sub-human. They could consent to be tested, categorised and asked 'show me your papers' (No problem Officer Blockleiter. They're Rizzla, see?) each and every time they light up.

Or they could just grow their own tobbaco for personal use. Although, to the best of my knowledge, the Australian Tax Office recoil in terror at the very thought of this and so it has been deemed illegal. Therefore, you would be deemed a criminal for doing so.

Well then, it's either;

Consent to be treated as a sub-human. Tested, categorised and asked for my papers by rank and file officers under orders from ideological zealots, or become a criminal.

Much of a muchness really.

 And so a life of crime it is.

H/T - Dick Puddlecote for his post:
'A Message To The Australian People'


Sunday, 22 May 2011

Julia Gillard Is A Lesbian: Australian Army

Actually, to be fair, it wasn't the Australian Army.

It was their PR team.

But, to be even fairer, I've always had my sneaking suspicions about Julia, and their description of Kevin Rudd as a loser can only be described as completely accurate.

Saturday, 21 May 2011

Rapture Day Prank

1. Go to your nearest Church. Now!

2. You and all your mates each leave a full set of clothes laying about the grounds.

3. Tomorrow morning's first Churchgoing family are tricked into thinking they are sinners who are damned to walk the earth... Forever!


Thursday, 19 May 2011

The World Will End This Saturday...

... Apparently.

And some enterprising Atheists have come up with the perfect solution to the problem posed by the continuing welfare of pets left behind by their owners. Owners who have been whisked away to heaven during the rapture, of course.

One post-Doomsday group of pet-rescuing Atheists, Eternal Earth-Bound Pets, already has 259 clients, who have paid US$135 for their first pet to be rescued, with some even forking over another US$20 for each additional pet.

But it's not just dogs, cats and infidels that will be left behind after God starts sending down buses for the believers.
What happens to all the property of those who had the good sense not to blaspheme in accordance with Mark 3:29?
What happens to all their cool stuff like cars and boats and Plasma-TVs?

Well why not leave it all for the heathens to enjoy?

'like taking candy from a baby'

Tuesday, 17 May 2011

The Dupilicity Of Ikebal Patel

Pictured above is Mr Ikebal Patel, president of the Australian Federation of Islamic Councils. Australia's peak Islamic body that, in its submission to the parliamentary inquiry into how to best ram multiculturalism down the throat of each and every last Australian, has called for Muslims in Australia to be granted “legal pluralism'' i.e Sharia law. The AFIC argues that a mild brand of sharia should be allowed in family law and divorces, promising it would fit in with Australian values. Thankfully, Sharia law is at present a step too far for even the out of control Gillard government to consider and poor old Ikebal has been told to forget about it.

And yes, this is the very same Ikebal Patel who said just the other day that the Australian Defence League was "provocative and wrong to believe that most Australian Muslims wanted to bring in sharia law."
OK, so not most Muslims in Australia, Mr Patel, just you and their peak body.

What's that ? Duplicitous, you say. Yes I thought so too.

By the way, when he refers to the sharia aspects of Islamic divorce one area worth considering is the Sunni Muslim male's right to divorce his wife simply by saying 'talaq' (I divorce thee) three times.

Kind of like Dorothy clicking her heels together and saying 'there's no place like home' three times.

Perhaps Mr Ikebal would like to borrow Dorothy's shoes?

But I doubt it.

So what will happen now instead is that Mr Patel, darling of the multi-kulti zealouts, 2011's Australia day ambassador and a recipient of last year's Pride of Australia medal - for devouring taxpayer's money in helping immigrant Muslims with their seemingly never-ending self-inflicted integration problems, no less - will continue to call for aspects of sharia law to run as a parallel legal code within Australia.
Creeping sharia, if you will. Creeping sharia, if you won't.
He will continue to do this because he knows that all through Europe sharia courts have been given the green light in the name of cultural equality and inclusiveness.

Well I have a message for Mr Patel;

What you see in Europe is not 'cultural equality and inclusiveness'. It is the total capitulation of freedoms, traditions and systems of law in the face of a backwards and bloodthirsty ideology and if you're thinking, thinking just for one fucking second, somewhere in that excitable little head of yours that Australians are going to offer up that same kind of half-arsed piss-weak resistance to that ideaology then you, Sir, are sadly mistaken.


Monday, 16 May 2011

Police Needed

To pay this fucker a visit during dinner and show him just how wrong his fucked up ruling was.

The Australian Defence League

"MUSLIM groups are worried by a new nationalist organisation that claims Australia is in danger of being Islamicised."

Australians are worried by Islamic groups and leftists who claim that Australia is in no danger of being Islamized is the reality.

So stop stifling debate about that fucking ginormous elephant standing over there in the corner of the room and let us discuss it, like adults...

Or we take to the streets, like adults. Your choice.

"Activities which undermine the multicultural harmony of Victoria will be dealt with swiftly" 
State Multicultural Affairs Minister Nick Kotsiras.

Well with all due respect, Nick. So will any of your damned governments' policies that deny the Australian people a say in the matter.

"They have had their protest and we have ended it"
 Mick Armstrong, Socialist Alternative.

Oh, dear me.
Mick my friend, I am going to make sure you fucking eat those words.
That's not a threat, that is a promise.

Now, as for the president of the Australian Federation of Islamic Councils, Ikebal Patel, and his "great concern" about anyone  out there trying to disrupt the peaceful social fabric of Australia.
I would put it to Mr Patel that there will be no peace in Australia, indeed the world, just as long as he continues to believe in a great Sky Fairy and the teachings of a man who says it is OK to take the life of another.

What part of that is he not capable of understanding?

I'll explain it to him if he likes. I broke the news about Father Christmas to a 5 year old last week, I'm on a fucking roll.

I'll even show him why it isn't "provocative and wrong" to believe that most Australian Muslims want to bring in sharia law and I'd point out the fact that him feeling it necessary to even need a Federation of Islamic Councils isn't really helping dispel these beliefs.

But I doubt I'd get through.

Because he is a dumb cunt.

As a side note I must say that I can't help but notice that people who have read the Quran turn out to get very angry, very quickly - whether they agree with cockwaffle contained within it or not - and those people can then be bunched into only two groups;
Muslims and 'Islamophobes'.

Think about that for a moment, let it sink in.


When The Right Protest

This is what it looks like when the right protest.

Cool, calm and collected. Organic, not in that organic trait of the left kind of way like mob mindedness, but organic in it's arguments. And don't those arguments just make sense, eh?

Same again next week?

H/T to Fausty for the vid and Dick Puddlecote has a good write up on the lefty reaction to this over here.


Sunday, 15 May 2011

Ivan Milat On Hunger Strike

For those who don't know, Ivan Milat is a sick little puppy who decided that to start torturing and then killing young people before burying them in a forest was a good idea.
He's refusing food now because he's been told;

'No Ivan, you can't play Playstation, you've been naughty'

No, I couldn't give a fuck if he starved either.

Actually, that was cruel. I mean, we should go easy on the old bugger, he's getting on a bit now and this is evident in the fact that his former protests involved cutting off his finger, swallowing razor blades and generally making a cunt of himself.
These days the frail old man can only manage to shun away a dinner tray.

So let him have his games console.

Except let the Australian taxpayer's buy him a Nintendo Wii instead... and make him do those satanic exercises over and over and over again... until he starts crying... and wets himself.

Or would those party-poopers at the UN not like that?

The Fourth Reich?

There's a popular demotivational poster, perhaps some of you may have seen it, that pictures a long procession of Star-Wars fans, dressed as Stormtroopers, walking down a street. The tag line for the poster is something along the lines of...

Oh fuck it! I'll just show you. That'll be easier.

Well if the video below is anything thing to go by, then yes, yes I do think it will be this obvious.

Still, do you think anyone is going to see it for what it really is until it's too late? Do you reckon the average person will be able to tear themselves away from their beloved television long enough to even notice that line of Stormtroopers marching by? Would your MP be capable of lifting their head out of the pig-trough just long enough to catch a glimpse of it? Errr, that would be no, no and no!

Fascism is back in the form of the European Union and it's up to us to fight it.
If not us, then who? Our children? Our children's children?

How very fucking brave of us all!


Wednesday, 11 May 2011

I don't Vote...

...I've tried it once or twice and found it's not for me.

However, if I were to vote again I'd vote ****.


Saturday, 7 May 2011

Caption Contest

I'm not quite sure if enough people read my shitty little blog for this to work, but I've always handled rejection well so here goes...

I'll start then, shall I?
Hey, Pig! I decide what rights and freedoms
the British lose next, not you.

This is not a game show and there shall be no shitty prizes.
Readers can decide who the victor is.
Nothing is taboo, sacred or too vulgar so do your best/worst.

For the story behind the pic, click here.


Wednesday, 4 May 2011

How They Really Caught Osama

No, only shitting you. Uncle Sam caught Ozzie through sheer determination and hard work. Real guts and glory, blood, sweat and fucking tears stuff.
Of course, the fact that the PlayStation network was down for a week may also have helped the Navy Seals get off their arses and do their fucking jobs.

Monday, 2 May 2011

Obama Kills Osama!

Well talk about stealing the limelight! Royal wedding, what Royal wedding?
Now if he can just get around to seeing off the monster under your bed, the Bogeyman and Satan, we can all live happily ever after.
In the meantime I await the response from bearded maniacs world-wide, as well as lots and lots of new bin Laden jokes such as...
R.I.P Osama Bin Laden - World Hide And Seek Champion (2001-2011)



Thursday, 28 April 2011

People Who Believe In God...

...They're Idiots!

What a perfect post-Easter video.

I had a pretty average Easter really, if anyone gives a fuck. Worked on 'good' friday, worked on St George's day - and, having now left the UK, sorely missed my traditional pint of proper ale in some London pub - did nothing special on Sunday, missed the ANZAC day dawn service Monday morning, got rat-arsed Monday night and felt like shit all Tuesday. Oh well, not as bad as being spat on by Jews before being nailed to a cross and dumped in a cave by sandal-wearing Romans, I suppose.

H/T - Atheist Planet

Starting 'Em Young.

Very young. Very very young in fact. 18 months old to be precise.

Dutch football club, VVV Venlo, have signed 18 month old Baerke van der Meij on a ten year contract after his father uploaded a video of the little tyke shooting three balls into his toy-box.
According to a club spokesthing "The toddler's favourite position has not yet been determined. But we can speak of a right-footed player with a very good kicking technique, perseverance and, importantly, football genes via his grandfather".
What's not clear from the video however is if young Baerke has formed the mental capacity to restrain himself from exploding into violent temper-tantrums and prolonged dummy-spitting when a referee's decision is not to his liking. Although, admittedly, that issue doesn't seem to affect Rooney's chances of a starting place too often.

The 'token' contract was signed on the dotted line... Or thereabouts.


Wednesday, 27 April 2011

'Sneak Your Booze Wherever You Choose'

Every now and then I find something that I realise I have been looking for all my life. This is one of those things.


Wednesday, 20 April 2011

Kate Middleton: Whore!

For the record, I have known no physical evidence of the above statement being true and to the best of my knowledge she is a lovely young lady of honest virtue...

...Anyway, will it all kick off?

I fucking hope so! Talk about a right-royal tear-up!
What could be a more fitting tribute to the reign of EIIR than a good ol' fashion day of sectarian violence to mark the wedding of her genetically-challenged spawn of modern royalty?
Also, can someone please tell that weirdo on that freak's left that - apart from being very distracting - inhaling the crispy grilled arseholes of rats and pigeons, whilst someone is busy delivering the divine word of his imaginary friend, is both highly distasteful and a little piggish?


Sunday, 17 April 2011

Sunday Morning Easy Listening On Groompy FM

What a perfect melody to act as a tribute to the living incarnation of all things cuntish, don't you think?

Saturday, 16 April 2011

You Need A Password...

For Your Own Good, Naturally.

Well it was fucking bound to happen eventually wasn't it? Yep. The US Commerce Department has just announced plans to hand out free online shopping passwords, in the form of smart cards or access sticks no less, to all US online shoppers who voluntarily sign up for its National Strategy for Trusted Identities in Cyberspace (NSTIC).
No fucking surprises there.
And as usual the kind hands that guide us are all to happy to point out all the lovely ways in which their latest gift will make everyone's lives so much safer. "We must do more to help consumers protect themselves, and we must make it more convenient than remembering dozens of passwords" says the spokesface.
Again, no fucking surprise.
And of course the least surprising thing of all will be when this is declared a roaring success, not that any government pet-project is ever, ever declared a failure, and will then be rolled out world-wide so all humanity can sleep safe and sound in the knowledge that their government is standing right by them whenever they're online. A gentle hand resting on your shoulder, kindly guiding you through the hazards of cyber-space.

Oh well, freedom was good while it lasted.

Take a seat, let me show you how this is gonna work now.


Tuesday, 5 April 2011

"You Can Take Your Dhimmitude And Shove It Up Your Ass!"

Looks like some Yanks ain't giving up on free speech without a fight!

Now she's obviously fucking bonkers - which makes her just a little too nuts for my liking - but well done her for showing us all, in a highly entertaining and sure to send shock-waves kind of way, how to respond to those who would trample on our rights in favour of some perverse ideology that gets offended far too easily, far too often.

Big hat tip to Calling England.


Saturday, 2 April 2011

To Protect And Serve...

... And steal your property after giving you their word that they wouldn't.


The full depressing article can be found here.


Friday, 1 April 2011

Oh Those Dastardly Tobacco Companies!

Tobacco companies down-under have caused a bit of a stir with their "I deserve to be heard" campaign designed to encourage protest against government anti-smoking policies. Campaign cards have been slipped into smoke packs that direct smokers to a website where they can contact their MP to complain about Australia's tough and at times insane anti-smoking laws.

Oh goody! This is going to ruffle a few feathers I reckon. Can't have the plebs questioning the wisdom of a government that wants plain packaging on cigarette packs that, by government demand, are already completely hidden from view of consumers now can we?

Of course all the usual talking heads are being dragged out to label this move by the tobacco companies as an act of pure evil on the same footing as eating live kittens.
Anne Jones, of those lovable fuckwits at Action on Smoking and Health (ASH) describes the website as a "sophisticated pattern of interference in public health policies."
No, ASH don't do hypocrisy at all.
While Professor David Currow reckons "sometimes you have to shake your head at big tobacco companies authorising things like this, particularly when you consider in NSW alone, smoking and tobacco use costs the community more than $8.4 billion a year."

$8.4 billion a bloody year! My that's quite a lot of dough that smokers are costing a state with a population of just over 7.5 million. In fact that's over $1100 that every man, woman and child are costing the state, assuming that every man, woman and child in New South Wales smokes of course. But not everyone in NSW does smoke, in fact, according to the government, less than 17% do. Going by that figure Professor Currow is saying that NSW smokers are costing the state over $6500 each annually.

Bollox! As well as conveniently forgetting to subtract the taxes that smokers pay to the state from that figure, what the dear Professor doesn't say is that most of his $8.4 billion figure (around 70%) is made up of 'indirect costs'. Indirect costs include the income tax and other taxes that can no longer be squeezed from smokers who have passed away prematurely due to their freely chosen lifestyle and also the cost of the mythical passive-smoking monster.

But is the passive-smoking monster real?
Well, again, according to the governments own statistics, 78 non smokers died from passive smoking in NSW in a single year. But can they name one? Just a single name? No, they can't. If they could then the face that went with that name would become a face splashed on every billboard across the nation. In fact, where the hell is the poster child of passive smoking? Surely with the hundreds of thousands world-wide that are supposed to be killed by the monster, it really shouldn't be too fucking problematic to come up with one. Just drag out any one of their death certificates and highlight the part that says 'respiratory failure due to standing next to smoker'.
Whether the monster is real or not, dangerous or not dangerous, I know one danger that beyond a shadow of a doubt is certainly real and that is the danger of drowning on an unpatrolled stretch of beach. Which is exactly where the government have decided to force smokers to swim, yes it is now illegal in Western Australia to light a cigarette in the vast, open area 'between the flags'. That calm stretch of water that is patrolled by Surf Life Saving guards.

Filthy fucking smoke breathers! Out into the surf to drown with you and take your damned kids with you!

OK, maybe that's a little over the top, but judging by some of the comments of readers responding to the news of all this you certainly wouldn't think so.

"I deserve to be heard? You deserve to get knotted!"

"Of course smokers have a right to kill themselves, just stop bothering everyone else while you do it."
"This is a fantastic move... I am sick and tired of people smoking right out the front door of any public places and suffocate with smoke in my face. This is very unpleasant for us non-smokers and non smokers get affected more inhaling smoke than those who smoke the cigarettes itself. Bring on all the bans I say!!!"

"Time to tell the government we non-smokers have enough of breathing 24h stinking air from smokers around us."

"Outdoor smoking bans are great- I wish it would be extended further."

And last but certainly not least, these two little gems:

"I opened my pack to find the nifty advert. I was not impressed. I smoke tobacco with my weed! I don't like cigarettes. I don't think smokers deserve to be heard."

 "I have read tobacco companies have put something in tobacco to make it more addictive."

Jesus Christ smoking a crack pipe, give me fucking strength!


Wednesday, 30 March 2011

Showing Soon At A School Near You

"That's why the Middle East is a freakin mess, cause there ain't no more cool dudes."

Monday, 28 March 2011

Muslims To Disrupt The Royal Wedding

Not all muslims mind you, just those bearded maniacs from every Englishman's favourite collection of cunts; Muslims Against Crusades.

From the MAC website:

On 29th April 2011, what is probably one of the most anticipated events in recent years will be due to take place at Westminster Abbey; Prince William and Kate Middleton, will soon exchange matrimonial vows, in the presence of a global audience.
Unfortunately, Britain's continued interference in Muslim lands is showing no signs of abating; the plundering of resources, the murdering of innocent (Muslim) men, women and children and the forced indoctrination of the satanic democratic creed have become hallmarks of a brutal regime led by a very brutal dictator.
In the backdrop of all this, we find that one of the biggest advocates of British imperialism, Flight Lieutenant Prince William, wishes to enjoy an extravagant wedding ceremony, ironically at the expense of the tax-payer.
His direct involvement with the murderous British military and eagerness to inherit the reigns of a kingdom built on blood and colonialism clearly demonstrate what type of legacy he wishes to leave.
In light of this, sincere Muslims have decided to organise a forceful demonstration, to once again highlight that as long Britain continues in its quest to occupy Muslim land and wage war against the religion of God (Allah) that we too shall continue in our efforts to undermine their regime and condemn all of their representatives, military or otherwise.
We strongly advise Prince William and his Nazi sympathiser, to withdraw from the crusader British military and give up all affiliation to the tyrannical British Empire.
We promise that should they refuse, then the day which the nation has been dreaming of for so long will become a nightmare and that it will inshaa'allah (God willing) eclipse the protests in Barking, Downing Street and the events of November 11.

Shouting abuse at British soldiers during homecoming parades, burning poppies on remembrance day and now planning to fuck up the wedding of the son of perhaps the most evil old dragon on the face of the earth.
They're playing with fire and my how I will laugh when they get burnt.


Whatever Will They Ban Next?

Low on my list, very low on my list, of things I thought would soon be targeted by the bansturbators was Swainsona Formosa, commonly known as Sturt's Desert Pea.
But it seems I was wrong.

Unbeknownst to me, Sturt's humble Pea is a nasty little weed, just as dangerous as that other nasty weed, and contains tiny amounts of dimethyltryptamine. The Australian government have even dragged their 'experts' out of their usual hiding places to pronounce it "as dangerous as marijuana". The government of course always listens to it's own advice so the Pea will now be put on the banned list. Individuals and even nurseries caught selling this native plant will face the same penalties as those who traffic large quantities of cannabis; life in prison.

One problem. How the fuck do these morons intend to implement this ?
Sturt's Pea grows wild in an area almost half the size of mainland Europe!

Other plants also soon to find themselves on the banned list include ornamental cacti, wisteria and several species of wattle - one of those species of wattle is pictured below, on the Australian coat of arms.


Tuesday, 22 March 2011

A Message For The UK Government

From The Royal Air Force

In Reference To The Never Ending Series Of Defence Budget Cuts


Saturday, 19 March 2011

It's Open Season

Duck hunting protester puts herself in the line of fire and gets shot in the face.

Julia Symons was waist-deep in water and heckling shooters when she was shot in the kisser, just hours after duck hunting season began.

Fucking priceless, it must be open season for moron hunting.


Friday, 18 March 2011

A Bully Gets His Comeuppance


Like my old man said; "Serves the little twat right, too".


Saturday, 12 March 2011

Eww ! Yuck !

Oh no. I've just pictured Nick's hand pressed against the steamy window of that Renault.



Mother Nature At Her Finest

My thoughts are with those affected.

Sunday, 6 March 2011

Sunday Morning Easy Listening On Groompy FM

One of the world's great heroines accompanied by the sounds of one of the world's greatest love songs.

UPDATE: It seems this particular version of the video has been removed from youtube.
A link to another can be found in the comments section. Just watch it with Chris de Burgh's 'Lady in red' playing on your wireless, it will be just like the real thing.

Tuesday, 1 March 2011

Which One Of You Little Cunts Spiked My Drink?

The Premier of Victoria, Australia, throwing some shapes and getting down with the kids.

Shameless cunt! Woop, woop, woop!

Friday, 25 February 2011

Multiculturalism In A Nutshell

What Does One Sound Like?

Ever wanted to know what a lying two-faced eco-loon and all round socialist fuck-pig sounds like? Of course you have, right?

Then simply click on its name.

And just for the record. Alan Jones is a bell-end.

Wednesday, 23 February 2011

What Kind Of Democracy?

So David Cameron reckons that Middle Eastern dictatorships should lose out on hundreds of millions of pounds of European Union funding if they don't commit to democracy, does he?

Well I'm not the world's biggest fan of Middle Eastern governments but, to be fair, I think someone should warn them about what Cameron's idea of democracy really is.

Two wolves and a sheep voting on what's for dinner springs to mind.


Now, sticking to the topic of fairness...

Dear Dave, What ever happened to that 'cast iron guarentee' you made about a referendum on EU membership? Oh, and please stop giving our money away.


Who Are You Talking To?

Well the US government wants you to believe that that 'friend' you're chatting with on Facebook, Myspace, Twitter etc. is in fact a real person, when, if contract calls for the development of 'Persona Management Software' are successful, the reality is that they are nothing of the sort.

According to recently leaked emails from the private security firm HBGary, PMS software - no laughing at the back please - will allow US government agencies to create a number of fake online personalities, that will then go on to give the illusion of consensus on controversial government ideas. Peer pressure from completely virtual peers, if you will. Propaganda at it's very best, if you won't.

The software would allow government agency employees to engage real social-media users with any one of their 10 fake personas. Each persona would of course be assigned with unique, daily rotating IP address which would give the impression the personas are posting from different locations worldwide and also come replete with background, history, supporting details and cyber presences that are technically, culturally and geographically correct.

Giving the illusion of consensus on controversial issues! That's cyber-bullying, surely?
And our governments have the nerve to lecture children about that sort of behaviour.
Tut, tut, tut.

More details, in the form of the original government-contract synopsis, can be found here.


Tuesday, 22 February 2011

Climate and Weather: Know The Difference, Or Else.

H/T - banned


More Tolerance From The Religion Of Peace

Four men have attacked a teacher with Stanley knives, iron bars and a block of cement, leaving him with a fractured skull and facial scaring, because they did not approve of him teaching Muslim girls about religions other than Islam.

Where did this happen? I hear you ask. Some third-world Islamic shit-hole, Afghanistan perhaps?

No, don't be silly, the teacher is head of religious education at the Central Foundation Girls' School in Bow, east London.
Secret recordings, made by detectives, captured the gang condemning Gary Smith for 'teaching other religions to their Muslim sisters'.

Don't you go and judge them by their actions though, you'll only be accused of misunderstanding Islam.

H/T - Quiet Man


The Rise and Rise Of The Bansturbators

I wonder which major, western nation will be the first to follow suit?

Bansturbators in Honduras have passed an act which allows family members or visitors to call the police if someone dares to smoke in their own home. Smokers are now also required to stand at least 6ft away from non-smokers in any open public-space.

First the smokers, then the drinkers, then the thinkers.

Friday, 18 February 2011

What Is The World Coming To?

An up and coming US high-school wrestler, Joel Northrup of Iowa, has given up any chance of winning the Iowa state tournament after forfeiting his first round match against Cassy Herkelman, a teenage girl.

"I have a tremendous amount of respect for Cassy. However, wrestling is a combat sport and it can get violent at times... As a matter of conscience and my faith I do not believe that it is appropriate for a boy to engage a girl in this manner. It is unfortunate that I have been placed in a situation not seen in most other high school sports in Iowa."

Cassy then went on to win by default and even though boos were heard in the crowd as her arm was raised in victory, Cassy's family say they hold no ill will towards Joel.
Good grief! A young man sticking by his morals in the face of political correctness! Heaven forbid he continues this behaviour, he may start opening doors for ladies or even holding some strange belief that they are the fairer of the sex. As for Cassy's family being OK with this travesty, don't they know they could have sued for discrimination and retired rich?

Thursday, 17 February 2011

Doing The Same, Expecting Something Different...

...That's got to be one definition of insanity, hasn't it?

You know, doing the same thing over and over again, or copying someone else over and over again, but expecting a different result.

If that is a definition of insanity then it would seem the Australian Labor Party has lost the plot with this week's announcement that they will set up a council to salute the - wait for it, wait for it - "genius of multiculturalism".

That's right, at a time when other world leaders are finally beginning to admit what the common man has known all along, that multiculturalism is a failure, that the ideology of diametrically opposing cultures living side-by-side in harmony is never going to work. At a time when many commentators are predicting that parts of Europe will descend into civil war as different cultures collide, the ALP announce they are going to ramp up efforts to further enforce the pipe-dream of multiculturalism on Australians.

The Gillard Government will beef up a campaign supporting multiculturalism in the face of what is seen as growing resistance to new arrivals.
The fresh emphasis on the policy comes amid growing public hostility towards asylum seekers, and against significant population growth through immigration.
All legitimate concerns. On the point of asylum seekers, the average Australian has at least a basic grasp of geography and knows that Australia lies roughly 10,000 km, as the crow flies, from where most of these asylum seekers are coming from. To be told that these 'asylum seekers' are not targeting Australia, as opposed to the other dozen so countries they pass through, simply for it's soft-touch and welfare benefits is just fucking insulting.
Anyway, if there is a growing resistance from Australians towards new arrivals, then isn't it the job of the government to act upon the concerns of current citizens, not carry out social engineering projects to change them?

There also is apprehension that the increasing number of Muslim migrants will produce big cultural changes, and even the introduction of Islamic-based legal codes.
But according to the immigration minister, Chris Bowen, these fears are completely unfounded. He says;
"Australian governments do not defend cultural practices and ideas that are inconsistent with our values and ideals of democracy, justice, equality and tolerance".
Now Mr Bowen, are you soft in the head or are you just a liar? Has the immigration minister never heard of Halal meat? Halal meat is already big business down under, is the immigration minister saying that cutting an animals throat and allowing it to die in agony while it chokes on its own blood, all because some bloke reckons that will please his god, is a cultural practice that is consistent with Australian values?
Is the immigration minister unaware that some Muslims in Australia are already calling for Sharia law?

"For those fleeing persecution, terror and hatred, they come to Australia in search of peace, justice and harmony".
Peace, justice and harmony. Is that what those five Muslim immigrants from Somalia were looking for when they planned to attack Holsworthy army base?

"For many others, they come in the hope of creating, in this new land, a new life for themselves and their loved  ones for prosperity and in the knowledge that, in Australia, their children will not be discriminated against for their colour or creed".
So there you have it, according to the immigration minister, everyone that comes to Australia is simply looking for peace, justice, harmony, hope and prosperity.
No one comes to sit on there arse and claim benefits, no one comes to get a foot in the door to ship their three wives and ten kids over, no one comes to blow up army bases and no one at all comes to form into gangs and film themselves raping young women that they consider to be 'Aussie whores'.

The minister said the new multiculturalism council would "act as a champion for multiculturalism in the community, will advise the Government on multicultural affairs and will help ensure Australian Government services respond to the needs of migrant and refugee communities".
'Respond to the needs of migrant and refugee communities'? Well that includes me then, in fact that would include everyone other than the Aborigines, right? Somehow I seriously doubt it.

"We will also establish a National Anti-Racism Partnership and Strategy to design and deliver an anti-racism strategy."
For crying out loud, when did it become 'racist' to oppose the failed ideology of multiculturalism? Bowen you prat, wake up. Australians aren't against other races coming here, it's the arrival of a culture that has consistently proven itself to be completely incompatible with any form of freedom or democracy that they're worried about and you would do fucking well to remember that come election time. 
Look, I guarantee you that I've travelled and lived more of this world than you, Joolya Gillard or any of the other mungbeans in the ALP that have come up with this drivel, and I can tell you all now; it will never work.
Do your homework, the very idea of multiculturalism only came about because some cultures can not and will not assimilate, ever. (I won't mention a specific culture because you would only go and get upset on behalf of Muslims).
Now I'm sorry to rain on your parade but let me make this perfectly clear;
Your multi-kulti dream is dead, as dead as the fucking dodo. Dead, dead, dead!
All people are created equal, certainly, all cultures are not and never will be.

Australians, I have lived your future and I can tell you; it doesn't bloody work!

Disagree? Fine, get back to me in 20 years and we'll see who was right.

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