Saturday, 31 July 2010

A Catalogue of Cameron Cock Ups

What a week it's been for David Cameron.

First up we had his grovelling display in the US. Fawning over Obama as he appointed Britain to the position of 'junior partner' to America.
Next stop on his whirl-wind tour of wooing was Turkey. Now our Dave sure aims to please and in describing Gaza as a 'prison camp' he very quickly found the Turks' G-spot. When he went on to say that he was angry at the slow pace of negotiations on Turkey's entry into the EU and then stated "I'm here to make the case for Turkey's membership of the EU and to fight for it.", well every single europhile Turk must have surely reached orgasm. Dave then showed us all he's not a complete tart by, before leaving, treating his new exotic lover to a little pillow talk, stating that Turkey could become “a great European power” one day.
Finally it was India's turn. Although I must say, if I were on a mission to woo India and, in Dave's own words, make Britain their"partner of choice", then I'm not sure I'd go about that by offering them the sloppy seconds, sloppy thirds in fact.

Now let's look at where Cameron cocked things up shall we.

In the US, Dave stated that Britain is currently a 'junior partner' to the US.
OK, no arguments there, an online poll I stumbled across shows 73% of people polled agree. However Dhimwit Dave also stated as fact that “we were the junior partner in 1940 when we were fighting the Nazis”. Err, sorry Dave, America did not actually enter WWII until December of 1941. Do they not teach history at Eton or Oxford ?
In Turkey, Dave says that he'll “fight” for Turkey's entrance to the EU.
Fight who exactly Dave, us, the British people ? Well there's no need for that, surely we can sort this out like gentlemen. In fact it would be very gentlemanly like if you were to follow through with that “cast iron guarantee” of yours and give us that referendum on Britain's continuing membership of the EU. Having had the referendum we will of course withdraw from the EU and then you can fight for the membership of whoever the fuck you like. Britain won't really give a damn who you want in your little club then because, with us no longer in the EU, millions more third-worlders won't be heading our way with their begging bowls. Also Dave, Turkey will never be a “great European power” as Turkey is in Asia, not Europe. Geography David, geography.
As part of his attempt to curry favour with India, Dave accused Pakistan of 'exporting terror'.
David, David, David, tut, tut, tut, surely you undertook basic business studies at your fancy schools ? Do you not understand that for every export their must, somewhere else, be an import ? I mean sure, you're correct, Pakistan is exporting terror but do you not see that, in continuing Labour's program of letting every bearded maniac, intent on blowing shit up, into Britain, you are in fact guilty of importing terror ?

Mr Cameron you are failing your country, you shall be barred from all future foreign excursions until your grades improve.

Rating on the Groompymeter ? 3/10 – Sorry, run all that by me again.

Wednesday, 28 July 2010

Just Say No...

To the Ground Zero Mosque.

If not for the fact that it is simply fucking insulting for any Muslim to even dare entertain the thought of opening a Mosque in such close proximity to where millions of Americans and billions more people world-wide believe that just under 3000 people were murdered by 19 men, who not only practised the exact same ideology that will be preached in that building, but also carried out such an unforgivable act in the very name of that ideology.
Then maybe because the planned opening date for the 'Cordoba House/Park51' mosque is... September 11th 2011.
Like I said, “sheer fucking, jaw dropping, gob smacking, vomit inducing, you've got to be fucking joking, piss taking, mind numbingly, fucking insulting”.

But if the aforementioned is not reason enough for you, perhaps for any one of the following.
Go ahead take your bloody pick:

  • Contrary to opinion polls the majority of local residents oppose this mosque, but as is usual with the leaders of any western city, or government, the voices of their citizens fall on deaf ears – add your voice, make a noise, protest.
  • Muslims are commanded by their Koran not to take non-Muslims as friends. Any talk about this, or any other, mosque being a place for all cultures is a lie. All talk about Islam being compatible with other cultures, democracy and indeed the west itself is total bollocks.
  • In the spiritual heart of Islam, Mecca, the building of places of worship other than Mosques is banned. Non-Muslims who enter Mecca risk death.
  • Islam is an expansionist, totalitarian ideology that seeks not to mingle with, live alongside and respect other cultures and faiths, but to mangle, convert or destroy all others until only it is practised.
  • For every concession the west makes to Islam, the full implementation of Sharia law edges ever closer. The building of mosques on lands conquered by Islam has and always will be integral to the spread of Islam, allow a mosque to open just two blocks from ground zero and millions, upon millions of Muslims world-wide will see this as more than just a concession from the west, they will see it as the total capitulation of the west, a great victory for Islam and a devastating blow against 'the enemies of Islam'.

Add Your Voice, Make A Noise, Protest, Resist.

Saturday, 24 July 2010


With the US Senate soon to hold a show hearing into the British Labour government's involvement in securing the release of the miraculously healed mass-murderer Abdelbaset Ali Mohmed al-Megrahi, to ensure BP has access to Libyan oil fields, it has now emerged that the Conservative party received more than £ 100, 000 in donations from a company owned by rich Palestinian millionaires who have access to these very same oil fields.

These same men also built the notorious Abu Ghraib prison in Iraq and reportedly had close links with the Palestinian Liberation Organisation.

A spokesman said the company donated to the Conservative Party “because we share the same values and philosophy.”

Sorry, run that by me again.

Palestinians, Libyan oil, Abu Ghraib, The PLO, the Conservatives,
"we share the same values and philosophy".

Yep, sounds about right.

Rating on the Groompymeter ? 1/10 - You have got my attention.

A cricket ball over a fence and the Plod lose their marbles.

Kids being kids, playing cricket/football/tennis/newly invented game in the street.
Ball over the fence of that old hag that's warned you and your mates countless times that 'next time, I'll keep it'.
Sound familiar ?
Of course it does.

There is most probably no-one reading this right now, no matter where on this Earth they come from, no matter how wretched their upbringing, who can not relate to that scenario.
But that was then and this is now and this is England, last month.

One particular old hag of North Baddesley, Hampshire, grew sick to death of the local tiddlywinks using her back fence to mark the boundary for '6' and finally kept that promise to confiscate their ball.
Dirty snitch Andrew Cocking, father of said tiddlywinks and of three doors down from said old hag, then put on the most awe inspiring display of how not to teach your kids respect and decided to call in the police.
Plod arrive in force, drag old hag down the nick, question her for five god-damned fucking hours, take her mug-shot, fingerprint her, take her DNA and, if not due to lack of budget and know-how, probably would of scanned her fucking irises then cut her open to see what makes her tick.
Local rags then get hold of the story, the Plod are once again rudely awakened from their totalitarian wet dream and realise...

'Oh fuck it, not again ! Quick, damage control, damage controoooooooooool !!!

Plod then sent round more plod to old hag's house to issue a press statement on old hag's behalf which read:

"I think this whole thing has been blown out of all proportion but I believe the action taken at the time were appropriate and proportionate.
It was never my intention to keep the cricket ball and permanently deprive, but, I had to make a stand, enough is enough! I was not happy at being arrested but I now understand why it was necessary for the police to do that. I also recognise that children have to play somewhere and they are not always aware of the impact their play can have on others. Maybe we have all learnt something from this.
I now want to put all this behind me and carry on living happily once more within my community

FUCK OFF ! That's got 'forced statement' written all over the fucking thing !!!

Big-Brother Watch, , hit the nail square on it's mushroomed head when they say “The police preparing statements for suspects is the stuff of East German show trials, not democratic Britain”.

Although Big-Brother Watch do seem to have somehow not yet realised we are now living in the 'post-democratic era'.

I do despair at times, I really fucking do.

Rating on the groompymeter ? 4/10 – You fucking what !?!

Sunday, 18 July 2010

Where's the nearest toilet please mate ? Oh just back there, in the dark ages.

Insanity seems to be contagious these days.
At least that is the conclusion you'd come to when you consider that the good people that run Rochdale's Exchange Centre in Greater Manchester have completely lost the plot, in deciding to spend several thousand quid installing 'squat-toilets' in their shopping centre after attending a 'cultural awareness course' run by one Ghulham Rasul Shazhad.

This sums up exactly what's wrong with Britain today. You see in Britain, it's not the British that need to attend cultural awareness courses run by peoples of foreign cultures, oh no, it's the other fucking way round. The same can be applied to any country, in Saudi Arabia do the native Saudis attend cultural awareness training or do those that move there ?
Simply apply that logic and we won't end up with situations like this - where over 200 years of the great British toilet are erased in one foul swoop and replaced with a stinking hole in the ground so some 3rd world foreigner can feel right at home when snapping one off. I mean they don't even have toilet paper for fuck's sake ! Nope, just a quick squirt around the ring-piece from the hose, a few wipes of the sphincter with the left hand (not the right cause that would just be downright dirty) and it's off to the supermarket to paw at the fruit 'n' veg we go.

Although Khan Moghul, from Manchester Council for Community Relations would disagree with my view, in fact Mr Moghul thinks “it's a very good idea” and agrees with Mr Shazhad who said “in the Muslim culture we prefer to use water after relieving ourselves”. What, two Muslims in agreeance with each other over an issue that any civilised person would find repugnant, well there's a fucking surprise !!!

Am I the only one that sees the complete bastard irony in removing one style of toilet, familiar to a culture, and replacing it with another style of toilet, familiar to another culture, all in the name of cultural awareness ?

Thomas Crapper must be rolling in his grave.

Rating on the groompymeter ? 2/10 – I am not amused

And there you have it people, my first post off my chest and I feel much better for it too.
UPDATE 24/07/10 - It seems the management of the Rochdale Exchange Centre are not completely brain dead after all. A source from the centre has said the installing of these shit-holes is "being reconsidered".
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