Sunday, 29 May 2011

Anything You Say In A Taxi...

...Can And Will Be Used Against You In A Court Of Law.

I originally posted about this abomination of an idea a few weeks back but something went wrong and that post seems to have disappeared into the ether.

Anyway the gist of it is that all Australian Taxis will soon have to record all conversations that take place within them. Opening the door or starting the meter will start the tape rolling and every word uttered thereon in will be held for 35 days or until the state has deemed that no speech-crimes took place during the journey.

I can see a lot of business types feeling a little uneasy about taking important calls in Taxis from now on and I also suspect I will get a few strange looks from Taxi Drivers who, upon attempting to start up a friendly conversation, or polish up on their English skills, while at the same time giving me a crash-course in Afsoomaali, will be confronted by my best paranoid-schizophrenic impression and me pointing at the interior light, saying in a hushed tone...

"Shhhhhh, be quite, they're listening!"

News items detailing this fucking outrage can be found here and here.

The Government of Western Australia's new Taxi surveillance standards can be found here.


Sunday Morning Easy Listening On Groompy FM


Wednesday, 25 May 2011

Zippy & George Do Top Gear

"Why do they call you Carmen?
Because I like cars and I like men. What's your name?
Lagerfanny! Ha ha ha ha!"

Tuesday, 24 May 2011

Piss Take Of The Week I

This week's piss taker just has to be Australian Liberal backbencher and compulsive pie-eater, Dr Mal Washer who, on commenting about a parliamentary report that states Australian MPs are overworked, says; 

"At the end of the day, I don't care what the public thinks about this... We don't think as well if we are all fatigued. I am not impressed by the public that doesn't understand, or lacks the intelligence to understand ... that you want productive people."

Not impressed by the public that "lacks the intelligence" to understand a report by greedy, self serving and odious MPs that recommends, amongst other downright outrageous things, that greedy, self serving and odious MPs do not start work until gone bloody lunchtime on Mondays, eh?

Now being a Doctor himself, you would think that Mal would understand that this 'fatigue' he suffers may, in no small part, be due to his age and weight, but that's a story for another day.

Are you, like me, represented by the good Dr Washer in his Moore constituency?

Perhaps you, like me, would care to contact him.

Go on, give him a piece of your mind:

Electorate Office: 3 Boas Avenue, Joondalup WA 6027
Phone (08) 9300 2244
Facsimile (08) 9300 2245
Canberra Office: Parliament House, Canberra ACT 2600
Phone (02) 6277 2114
Facsimile (02) 6277 8587
Email: This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it


You Got A Fast Car...

...But is it fast enough so we can fly away?

Err, no. Actually it isn't.

For the story behind the vid click here.
Just the usual 'Police to harsh on a poor wittle car thief' stuff.

A Licence To Smoke

From The Age: 

''The government should consider issuing smokers with a licence to smoke, which would involve them passing a test, not dissimilar to a driving test,''
''They would get a swipe card with their photo on it and - just like the pre-commitment gambling card - they could say how much they wanted to smoke a day. If it was 10 cigarettes a day you'd get a category one licence, 20 cigarettes would be a category two and there would be a higher cost to the card if you wanted to smoke more. The most anyone could buy would be 60 a day.''

OK, Australian smokers could stand for this if they choose. They could consent to being treated as sub-human. They could consent to be tested, categorised and asked 'show me your papers' (No problem Officer Blockleiter. They're Rizzla, see?) each and every time they light up.

Or they could just grow their own tobbaco for personal use. Although, to the best of my knowledge, the Australian Tax Office recoil in terror at the very thought of this and so it has been deemed illegal. Therefore, you would be deemed a criminal for doing so.

Well then, it's either;

Consent to be treated as a sub-human. Tested, categorised and asked for my papers by rank and file officers under orders from ideological zealots, or become a criminal.

Much of a muchness really.

 And so a life of crime it is.

H/T - Dick Puddlecote for his post:
'A Message To The Australian People'


Sunday, 22 May 2011

Julia Gillard Is A Lesbian: Australian Army

Actually, to be fair, it wasn't the Australian Army.

It was their PR team.

But, to be even fairer, I've always had my sneaking suspicions about Julia, and their description of Kevin Rudd as a loser can only be described as completely accurate.

Saturday, 21 May 2011

Rapture Day Prank

1. Go to your nearest Church. Now!

2. You and all your mates each leave a full set of clothes laying about the grounds.

3. Tomorrow morning's first Churchgoing family are tricked into thinking they are sinners who are damned to walk the earth... Forever!


Thursday, 19 May 2011

The World Will End This Saturday...

... Apparently.

And some enterprising Atheists have come up with the perfect solution to the problem posed by the continuing welfare of pets left behind by their owners. Owners who have been whisked away to heaven during the rapture, of course.

One post-Doomsday group of pet-rescuing Atheists, Eternal Earth-Bound Pets, already has 259 clients, who have paid US$135 for their first pet to be rescued, with some even forking over another US$20 for each additional pet.

But it's not just dogs, cats and infidels that will be left behind after God starts sending down buses for the believers.
What happens to all the property of those who had the good sense not to blaspheme in accordance with Mark 3:29?
What happens to all their cool stuff like cars and boats and Plasma-TVs?

Well why not leave it all for the heathens to enjoy?

'like taking candy from a baby'

Tuesday, 17 May 2011

The Dupilicity Of Ikebal Patel

Pictured above is Mr Ikebal Patel, president of the Australian Federation of Islamic Councils. Australia's peak Islamic body that, in its submission to the parliamentary inquiry into how to best ram multiculturalism down the throat of each and every last Australian, has called for Muslims in Australia to be granted “legal pluralism'' i.e Sharia law. The AFIC argues that a mild brand of sharia should be allowed in family law and divorces, promising it would fit in with Australian values. Thankfully, Sharia law is at present a step too far for even the out of control Gillard government to consider and poor old Ikebal has been told to forget about it.

And yes, this is the very same Ikebal Patel who said just the other day that the Australian Defence League was "provocative and wrong to believe that most Australian Muslims wanted to bring in sharia law."
OK, so not most Muslims in Australia, Mr Patel, just you and their peak body.

What's that ? Duplicitous, you say. Yes I thought so too.

By the way, when he refers to the sharia aspects of Islamic divorce one area worth considering is the Sunni Muslim male's right to divorce his wife simply by saying 'talaq' (I divorce thee) three times.

Kind of like Dorothy clicking her heels together and saying 'there's no place like home' three times.

Perhaps Mr Ikebal would like to borrow Dorothy's shoes?

But I doubt it.

So what will happen now instead is that Mr Patel, darling of the multi-kulti zealouts, 2011's Australia day ambassador and a recipient of last year's Pride of Australia medal - for devouring taxpayer's money in helping immigrant Muslims with their seemingly never-ending self-inflicted integration problems, no less - will continue to call for aspects of sharia law to run as a parallel legal code within Australia.
Creeping sharia, if you will. Creeping sharia, if you won't.
He will continue to do this because he knows that all through Europe sharia courts have been given the green light in the name of cultural equality and inclusiveness.

Well I have a message for Mr Patel;

What you see in Europe is not 'cultural equality and inclusiveness'. It is the total capitulation of freedoms, traditions and systems of law in the face of a backwards and bloodthirsty ideology and if you're thinking, thinking just for one fucking second, somewhere in that excitable little head of yours that Australians are going to offer up that same kind of half-arsed piss-weak resistance to that ideaology then you, Sir, are sadly mistaken.


Monday, 16 May 2011

Police Needed

To pay this fucker a visit during dinner and show him just how wrong his fucked up ruling was.

The Australian Defence League

"MUSLIM groups are worried by a new nationalist organisation that claims Australia is in danger of being Islamicised."

Australians are worried by Islamic groups and leftists who claim that Australia is in no danger of being Islamized is the reality.

So stop stifling debate about that fucking ginormous elephant standing over there in the corner of the room and let us discuss it, like adults...

Or we take to the streets, like adults. Your choice.

"Activities which undermine the multicultural harmony of Victoria will be dealt with swiftly" 
State Multicultural Affairs Minister Nick Kotsiras.

Well with all due respect, Nick. So will any of your damned governments' policies that deny the Australian people a say in the matter.

"They have had their protest and we have ended it"
 Mick Armstrong, Socialist Alternative.

Oh, dear me.
Mick my friend, I am going to make sure you fucking eat those words.
That's not a threat, that is a promise.

Now, as for the president of the Australian Federation of Islamic Councils, Ikebal Patel, and his "great concern" about anyone  out there trying to disrupt the peaceful social fabric of Australia.
I would put it to Mr Patel that there will be no peace in Australia, indeed the world, just as long as he continues to believe in a great Sky Fairy and the teachings of a man who says it is OK to take the life of another.

What part of that is he not capable of understanding?

I'll explain it to him if he likes. I broke the news about Father Christmas to a 5 year old last week, I'm on a fucking roll.

I'll even show him why it isn't "provocative and wrong" to believe that most Australian Muslims want to bring in sharia law and I'd point out the fact that him feeling it necessary to even need a Federation of Islamic Councils isn't really helping dispel these beliefs.

But I doubt I'd get through.

Because he is a dumb cunt.

As a side note I must say that I can't help but notice that people who have read the Quran turn out to get very angry, very quickly - whether they agree with cockwaffle contained within it or not - and those people can then be bunched into only two groups;
Muslims and 'Islamophobes'.

Think about that for a moment, let it sink in.


When The Right Protest

This is what it looks like when the right protest.

Cool, calm and collected. Organic, not in that organic trait of the left kind of way like mob mindedness, but organic in it's arguments. And don't those arguments just make sense, eh?

Same again next week?

H/T to Fausty for the vid and Dick Puddlecote has a good write up on the lefty reaction to this over here.


Sunday, 15 May 2011

Ivan Milat On Hunger Strike

For those who don't know, Ivan Milat is a sick little puppy who decided that to start torturing and then killing young people before burying them in a forest was a good idea.
He's refusing food now because he's been told;

'No Ivan, you can't play Playstation, you've been naughty'

No, I couldn't give a fuck if he starved either.

Actually, that was cruel. I mean, we should go easy on the old bugger, he's getting on a bit now and this is evident in the fact that his former protests involved cutting off his finger, swallowing razor blades and generally making a cunt of himself.
These days the frail old man can only manage to shun away a dinner tray.

So let him have his games console.

Except let the Australian taxpayer's buy him a Nintendo Wii instead... and make him do those satanic exercises over and over and over again... until he starts crying... and wets himself.

Or would those party-poopers at the UN not like that?

The Fourth Reich?

There's a popular demotivational poster, perhaps some of you may have seen it, that pictures a long procession of Star-Wars fans, dressed as Stormtroopers, walking down a street. The tag line for the poster is something along the lines of...

Oh fuck it! I'll just show you. That'll be easier.

Well if the video below is anything thing to go by, then yes, yes I do think it will be this obvious.

Still, do you think anyone is going to see it for what it really is until it's too late? Do you reckon the average person will be able to tear themselves away from their beloved television long enough to even notice that line of Stormtroopers marching by? Would your MP be capable of lifting their head out of the pig-trough just long enough to catch a glimpse of it? Errr, that would be no, no and no!

Fascism is back in the form of the European Union and it's up to us to fight it.
If not us, then who? Our children? Our children's children?

How very fucking brave of us all!


Wednesday, 11 May 2011

I don't Vote...

...I've tried it once or twice and found it's not for me.

However, if I were to vote again I'd vote ****.


Saturday, 7 May 2011

Caption Contest

I'm not quite sure if enough people read my shitty little blog for this to work, but I've always handled rejection well so here goes...

I'll start then, shall I?
Hey, Pig! I decide what rights and freedoms
the British lose next, not you.

This is not a game show and there shall be no shitty prizes.
Readers can decide who the victor is.
Nothing is taboo, sacred or too vulgar so do your best/worst.

For the story behind the pic, click here.


Wednesday, 4 May 2011

How They Really Caught Osama

No, only shitting you. Uncle Sam caught Ozzie through sheer determination and hard work. Real guts and glory, blood, sweat and fucking tears stuff.
Of course, the fact that the PlayStation network was down for a week may also have helped the Navy Seals get off their arses and do their fucking jobs.

Monday, 2 May 2011

Obama Kills Osama!

Well talk about stealing the limelight! Royal wedding, what Royal wedding?
Now if he can just get around to seeing off the monster under your bed, the Bogeyman and Satan, we can all live happily ever after.
In the meantime I await the response from bearded maniacs world-wide, as well as lots and lots of new bin Laden jokes such as...
R.I.P Osama Bin Laden - World Hide And Seek Champion (2001-2011)


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