Thursday, 30 December 2010

When Is Sexism Not Sexism?

The answer to that, of course, is when it is not.

Such as when an airline advertises fares "lower than Grandma's boobs" and is then forced to pull the offending advert from billboards after 'outraged locals' cry 'sexism'. The small facts, like the fact that 'Grandmas' and their boobs are not a sex, never seem to stand in the way of the self-righteous do they?

Note to advertisers: Don't be so quick to pander to the so-called 'outraged'. Sad cunts like Jacquetta Bell are not representative of the rest of us, they are just the empty cans rattling the most.

Note to the so-called 'outraged': Do just please fuck off!

Sexist enough for you, sad bastards?


Tuesday, 21 December 2010

Looking For Inspiration?

Then look no further.

Well I must say, that did bring a tear to the eye.

Monday, 20 December 2010

Topless Women To Fight Extremists

I had to check the date when I first found this article because I thought it was a leftover from last April Fools'. But no, it seems it's only a few weeks old and actually has nothing to do with April Fools' day which makes the article's headline of "Can Topless Women Keep Muslim Extremists Out of Denmark?" all the more fucking mind-boggling.

Peter Skaarup - foreign policy spokesman for the Danish People's Party - reckons that including footage of topless, Danish birds in videos that are used as part of an immigration test for potential citizens would help hammer home the point that Denmark is an open, free, booby-loving society and that hard-line Muslims may want to just fuck off and find somewhere else to invade.

Although Naser Khader - another Danish MP and founder of the Moderate Muslims movement - disagrees; "A pair of naked breasts is no protection against extremism...It's quite the opposite, fundamentalists are so obsessed with sex that they will be pouring in over the borders. Maybe we should try with naked pigs."

So there you have it, we now know the moderate Muslim's take on how to defeat the hardliners. Lure them in with naked honeys and then bomb them with naked pigs.
The ultimate booby-trap ! Don't think it would work? Then check out the destruction that a couple of naked pigs caused to the small town of Snohomish, Washington back in 2005.

'Your days are numbered Jihadist'


Wednesday, 15 December 2010

The All-Singing All-Dancing Fucktarded All-Stars

I thought Hummus was made from chickpeas but all I see are mungbeans.

Lots and lots of fucktarded, braindead, androgynous mungbeans singing and jumping and making complete cunts of themselves to the entire world, which of course also includes the Palestinians, most of whom probably wish this lot would just shut the fuck up and go have a wash.

Israelis and Palestinians take note - Whatever differences you lot have just get over them quick-smart so the rest of us aren't forced to endure anymore of this flashmob rubbish. It's all beginning to get a little out of hand.


UPDATE Oh fuck! Pause it every few seconds... It's fucking scary !

Tuesday, 14 December 2010

"The Red Cross Bans Christmas"

Not in the banned sense of course...
Just the politically correct banned-from-all-430-fundraising-shops sense.
Red Cross staff have been told to remove all sign of things Christmassy, like fat Santas and dwarves elves, trees and holly and of course all things Jesus Christ like, because they 'must not upset Moslems". Now Christians and Muslims are of course both offended, which is of course a completely normal day on planet Earth and should not leave you scratching your head in the slightest. Move along, nothing to see here. 

Sepp Blatter: No Sex For Gays At Qatar 2022

Chortle, chuckle, cackle -  this is going to get messy !

At a news conference in South Africa the president of FIFA was asked what advice he would give to gay football fans who want to head to Qatar in 2022, considering that homosexuality is illegal there and to engage in homosexual acts carries a pretty stiff penalty. After an uncomfortable pause and some giggles Blatter finally replied "I would say they should refrain from any sexual activities" and then went on to insist that discrimination would not be an issue in Qatar by 2022, saying "we are living in a world of freedom" and that "[In Qatar] it's another culture because it's another religion, but in football we have no boundaries. We open everything to everybody".

Fair enough, I suppose his advice on not engaging in homosexual activity over there could be simply taken as 'if that is the law in that country, then I would suggest anyone visiting that country obeys the law'. But it won't be taken like that now will it? Oh no, I can hear the gay rights groups jumping up and down already and if Peter Tatchell didn't have steam coming out of his ears after Russia were awarded 2018, well he fucking will when he hears this news. The other sound I can hear his Sepp Blatter trying to wriggle his fat arse out of the fine mess he's just gone and gotten himself into - The football world cup for Qatari oil, it must have seemed such an easy trade deal to pull off.
On his statement that discrimination won't exist in Qatar by 2022 and that we live in a world of freedom; I would suggest that he is living on another fucking planet if he really believes that. But as for " football we have no boundaries. We open everything to everybody"; well I'm sure there's a pun in there somewhere.

Monday, 13 December 2010

David Cameron - Two Faced To The Extreme.

Back in 2005, when David Cameron was just a lowly shadow education secretary, he made statements in which he, amongst other things, likened Islamic radicals to Nazis, called for Mosques to be regulated and also said that Britain should withdraw entirely from international human rights conventions if they prevent the deportation of Islamic radicals. The full text of that speech can be found here.

Then in May of 2007, after spending two days living with a Muslim family, Dave wrote an article in the Guardian under the headline 'What I learnt from my stay with a Muslim family' in which he stated "Not for the first time, I found myself thinking that it is mainstream Britain which needs to integrate more with the British Asian [Muslim] way of life, not the other way around".

Now in late 2010, with Dave holding the highest political post in the country, he is a signed up supporter of Unite Against Fascism, that mis-named group of far-left psychopaths, rabid, red communists and other assorted social misfits who, under the hammer and sickle banner, regularly engage in violent confrontation with the English Defence League, a patriotic street-protest group set up to do what his government and governments before his have failed to do and combat Islamic extremism in the UK.

Now how any Conservative leader can openly support communist riff-raff is simply fucking beyond me but is it possible that in 5 short years our Dave has changed his tune so much that he now sees Islamic extremists as not the enemy, but rather a community that needs protecting ? Or is it just that Dave is a two-faced cunt that will say anything to get into power ?
Well considering he has prior for not backing up "cast iron guarentees', I'm inclined to think it is the latter.

Oh and Mr Cameron, Islamic extremists aren't just like Nazis, at times they actually are Nazis.

No, not waiving. Just sieg-heiling.

News Shocker: Stockholm Bomber Lived In Britain!

It has now come out that Taimur Abdulwahab al-Abdaly, the suicide bomber who targeted Swedish Christmas shoppers on Saturday, has previously lived and studied in Britain and may have a wife and children that still live in Luton.

Well there's a fucking surprise ! All the more reason to get to Luton on the 5th of February next year.

Join The Anti-EU Campaign

They have planned it all along, let them know you've had enough.

Tuesday, 7 December 2010

WikiNicked: Assange Arrested

Julian Assange was arrested at 0930 this morning by British Police in relation to sexual assault claims filed in Sweden. Assange will have to appear before City of Westminster magistrates who will then decide if the warrant gives the go ahead for extradition.

Now if he is extradited to the States, then I wonder what's next for Mr Assange ? A US military court maybe, an all expenses paid, once in a lifetime, one-way trip to Guantanamo Bay or perhaps if he's really, really unlucky he'll even end up in one of Uncle Sam's Black Sites.

One things for sure though, one thing that the WikiLeaks founder needn't worry about is waterboarding.
I mean, there wouldn't really be much point now would there ? It's not as if he's ever resisted spilling the beans.

Monday, 6 December 2010

Julian Assange And His Wikileaks Nuclear Bomb

Julian Assange threatens to unleash a “thermonuclear device” of unedited government files if he is brought before authorities.

"True, This! Beneath the rule of men entirely great, the pen is mightier than the sword. Behold the arch-enchanters wand - itself a nothing. But taking sorcery from the master-hand to paralyse the Caesars and to strike the loud earth breathless!"


It's Not Racism It's Just That You're A Cunt

The mother of a student who has spent most of the year suspended has threatened to sue his school, saying they over-reacted to "trivial" incidents and alleging that the school has been racist and biased against her son from the outset.

Omar Olomi managed to get himself suspended on his very first day at school for changing out of uniform during recess and then refusing to attend student services. Since then Omar the innocent has also been suspended for intervening in an argument between a teacher and another student, arriving at school almost 4 hours late because he felt the need to get a fast-food breakfast beforehand, refusing to remove his hat during school assembly and then failing to attend student services and also for fighting.
But according to Omar's mummy these are all trivial incidents and the real reason her little angel has been suspended 5 times is because he is a Muslim from Pakistan.

No Ms Olomi, his religion and nationality have fuck all to do with it. You have brought up a little monster and it's nobody's fault but yours and his that his 11th year of schooling "has been destroyed" by repeated suspensions.
I'm not surprised you're trying to play the race card in suing the school and having the taxpayer foot the bill for your shitty parenting though, I bet little Omar has been driving you around the fucking bend with all this time off school, he sounds like a right little pain in the arse to have around the house and I bet that right now he's probably showing you his creative side by scrawling graffiti all over his bedroom walls before setting fire to the family dog and throwing it over the fence and into the neighbours' pool.
But at least he isn't destroying school property and setting fire to other students and that's all that matters.

'Why am I suspended from school ? All I did was chop the Principal's head off'

Sunday, 5 December 2010

That's How To Deal With Cutthroats

Pirates attempt to hijack Russian tanker, Russian Navy commandos free the tanker and it's crew then put pirates back on board their own ship which is rigged with explosives and blown to kingdom come.
That'll teach them.

Now before you start feeling sorry for these fuckers just remember they would use those assault rifles to murder without a second thought. Live by the sword, die by the sword.

Escalator Safety For Morons

In the run up to Christmas shopping mayhem, Myer stores in Australia have produced a pamphlet telling their customers how to ride safely on the store's escalators.
Fuck me ! First the government act as a nanny for us, now department stores feel the need.

The bright yellow pamphlets, available for morons to collect in every Myer store, contain such pearls of wisdom as:
  • Face the direction you are travelling.
  • Hold on to the black handrail.
  • Do not lean, stand upright and within the yellow guidelines.
  • Be careful of your apparel.
  • Step off escalator promptly; and
  • Do not attempt to ride a unicycle up or down the escalator.
OK, that last one was my addition but do people really need to be told how to use an escalator ? A wild monkey straight out of the jungle could figure it out in no time, surely.
If there really are dumb fuckers out there who need instructions on how to negotiate a task as simple as riding on an escalator then I'm guessing those people are also having someone dress them in the morning in which case they should be accompanied by a parent or carer when leaving the house. What a fucking waste of paper, I'm not surprised a Myer spokesman has refused to reveal the cost of producing the leaflet.

Sunday Morning Easy Listening On Groompy FM

Friday, 3 December 2010

Female One-Legged Cross-Dressing Gypsy Muslims

What is one to make of it all ?

One minute I'm told I can't even sneeze in the workplace in case I upset some female, one-legged, cross-dressing, gypsy, Muslim man. The next I'm being told that it's all their fault that I sneezed and that only losers get bullied in the workplace.  According to conflict resolution expert Gavan Podbury "Australians need to acquire conflict resolution skills and they need to get the motivation to use them."
I agree, when picked on I quickly get motivated to give out a look that says "I am about to push your eye balls into your fucking brain with my thumbs" and I find that works every time.

On top of that I hear that Human Services Minister Tanya Plibersek is hunting a Christmas Grinch who wrote a memo suggesting Centrelink and Medicare offices should not display nativity scenes at Christmas.
"I have ordered that the Grinch be found and counselled" says Minister Plibersek. Well that shouldn't be too fucking hard, just look at the top of the memo and get their name you incompetent cow ! But incompetence isn't the point I'm trying to make here, the point I'm trying to make is one about mixed signals and in this case the mixed signals are coming from the fact that it is usually government offices, such as Centrelink and Medicare, that are at the forefront of banning all things Christmas. Now, they seem to have changed tack and become the defenders of it.

I'm so very confused now.

I couldn't find a picture of a female, one-legged, cross-dressing, gypsy, Muslim man.
So here is a picture of some Spirochete instead. Close enough.

The Nanny State Reaches Its Climax

Big tip of the hat to XD who left the link in a comment.

Thursday, 2 December 2010

And The Winners Are... Russia and Qatar.

Russia and Qatar !!! What the fuck !

Fuck me sideways I can smell the corruption from here.
No hang on a minute that's not corruption I smell, that's Europe's now assured supplies of gas and oil.

"Hello Mr Blatter, I am from the Russian delegation".

Telling It Like It Is

Judging by this video it looks as though Austrian MP Ewald Stadler has had more than enough of the, as he calls it, "one-way street tolerance babble".
He's not the only one, I'm sure.

"I am telling you, this country is not exclusively made up of tolerance romantics. There are also people sick and tired of the one-way street tolerance babble which you feed on... And I have to tell you, a few people in politics will not accept this and the voters outside do not accept it at all, I can tell you that for sure".
Austrian MP Ewald Stadler to Turkish Ambassador, Ecvet Tezcan.

Wednesday, 1 December 2010

The Gods Of The Moonbats Are Hungry

About 1500 years ago the Maya civilisation was at it's peak. It was also busy sacrificing it's citizens to the Gods. Atop a pyramid, much like the one pictured below, a priest would cut the unlucky offering's chest open and tear out their heart, holding it up to the Gods in a vain attempt to curry favour with them.
Most people now know this to be a futile exercise in complete and utter fucking insanity. Most people, but not all. Because with the 2010 UN climate-treaty talks now underway in Cancun, Mexico - right smack bang in the middle of the ancient Maya empire - it would seem that some people still just don't get it.

The Temple of Moonbattery. Host to the 2010 UN Climate-Treaty Talks.

It should be noted that there is evidence that the demise of the Maya came about due to them exhausting their agricultural potential and overhunting. Some scholars have also recently theorized that an intense 200 year drought led to the collapse of Maya civilization. No one has yet theorised that this drought, or the ultimate demise of the Maya, came about due to their overuse of gas-guzzling automobiles, penchant for cheap air travel or their inability to implement carbon taxes, yet.

UPDATE - 06/12/10
OK, I obviously involved just a hint of satire in the above post. At least I thought I did until I read that Christiana Figueres, executive secretary of the U.N. Framework Convention on Climate Change, invoked Ixchel, an ancient Maya Moon-God, in her opening statement to delegates. 

"May she inspire you... because today, you are gathered in Cancun to weave together the elements of a solid response to climate change, using both reason and creativity as your tools." Bold italics added by me.

Now back in the heyday of the Maya empire a young woman would be chosen to be sacrificed by the priests as an offering to Ixchel. She would then be flayed and her skin worn by a man who sat at a loom and pretended to weave, while around him other craftsmen danced, dressed as animals. The ceremony was then topped off with a bit of good old-fashioned bloodletting.

The United Nations climate change people - What a bunch of fucking nut-jobs !

H/T -

The Euro: "A Big Floppy Penis And Testicles"

You have to love the first comment on an article about the survival of the Euro

Well that's a good a reason as any to ditch it !
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