Sunday, 5 December 2010

Escalator Safety For Morons

In the run up to Christmas shopping mayhem, Myer stores in Australia have produced a pamphlet telling their customers how to ride safely on the store's escalators.
Fuck me ! First the government act as a nanny for us, now department stores feel the need.

The bright yellow pamphlets, available for morons to collect in every Myer store, contain such pearls of wisdom as:
  • Face the direction you are travelling.
  • Hold on to the black handrail.
  • Do not lean, stand upright and within the yellow guidelines.
  • Be careful of your apparel.
  • Step off escalator promptly; and
  • Do not attempt to ride a unicycle up or down the escalator.
OK, that last one was my addition but do people really need to be told how to use an escalator ? A wild monkey straight out of the jungle could figure it out in no time, surely.
If there really are dumb fuckers out there who need instructions on how to negotiate a task as simple as riding on an escalator then I'm guessing those people are also having someone dress them in the morning in which case they should be accompanied by a parent or carer when leaving the house. What a fucking waste of paper, I'm not surprised a Myer spokesman has refused to reveal the cost of producing the leaflet.


banned said...

In the Aberdeen offices of the notoriously risk unaware BP are notices insisting that all users of staircases must grip the handrail, workers failing to do so face disciplinary action while visitors face expulsion from the premies, never to return.

Groompy Tom said...

We had something similar at my old work place, banned.
Until we pointed out that we were unable to get tooling and equipment onto the roof without letting go of the handrail and the only solution would be to install lifts to the roof at a great cost.
Suddenly they didn't think 'always holding the handrail' to be quite that important.

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