Thursday, 30 September 2010

Fuck Off Then Take Two Steps Back

Gamblers to be fingerprinted.
With an Orwellian-sounding head-fuck of an idea that goes by the name of  "mandatory pre-commitment", the Prime Minister of Australia - a leader who leads with the flimsiest of mandates - is  proposing to have a rather large number of Australians submit to the carrying of their fingerprints on a microchip, simply to fulfil  a deal with a single independent.

In an an effort to see many Australians unable to spend the money that they themselves have earned, in a manner that they themselves see fit, 'mandatory pre-commitment' has been set a target date for implementation of 2014. This will require those Australians who wish to partake in the legal activity of gambling - by playing pokies, or fruit machines - to carry a USB stick that contains details of a their personal, government-appointed gambling limit, plus their personal details and fingerprints and will also require all establishments that house pokies to be able to access this data.

Wow ! This is wrong on so many levels that, even though I do not gamble, if this does indeed go ahead I think I may just stick my head in the oven and turn the fucking gas on.

Wednesday, 29 September 2010

Britain's Most Dysfunctional Family ?

I'm not really sure how to digest this, but I've just been reading that the Jewish mother of the boys Miliband is a supporter of a Jewish anti-blockade group that is attempting to send ships through the Israeli naval blockade and into Gaza.

Like I said, 'don't really know what to make of that'.  But here goes,

Is it just me or are the Milibands quite possibly Britain's most dysfunctional family ?

I mean think about it. The stupid younger brother, Ed, has just hired some union heavies to shatter his big brother Dave's career and dreams, stolen his job, stolen all his friends and pretty much publicly humiliated him.
Dave's missus, who everyone suspects wears the pants in that relationship, is fucking furious and wants to tear Ed's bloody head off for it.
Then, in the midst of all this chaos, on the very day that Ed gives his 'am I my brother's keeper speech', the mother of the boys is busy sending small yachts to smash a bloody naval blockade in one of the most hair-trigger regions on Earth!

Brilliant ! I fucking love that shit !

And now let us just imagine. Imagine, just for a moment, that Labour aren't to be banished into the political wilderness for a decade or more. Let's just imagine that the UK electorate suffer mass amnesia when they're next at the ballot box. Let us just imagine, if you can bring yourself to do it, that Labour return to power at the next election, led by a man who disturbingly resembles a slow child doing surprisingly well in a spelling bee.
It's scary I know, don't worry I'm scared too.
Now, are you there ? Eight years from now when, at a United Nations summit, the representative of Israel asks the representative of the UK, to kindly see that the mother of their Prime Minister please desist in sending boats to smash the siege of Gaza ?
What the fuck ! I thought they said "no more soap operas".

Tuesday, 28 September 2010

Humour Is In Peril

OK, there comes a point when those that wish to make us miserable go that step too far.
I believe we may have just reached that point.

Either way, Barnet Council contact details can be found here. Why not send them a few jokes, just to cheer the miserable bastards up ?

Yes, yes go on. You know you want to. Do it.

The Cruelest Leak Of All

I bet there's a fair few worried Sky broadband customers out there tonight.

After the details of thousands of them have been leaked, along with a list of pornos they are alleged to been knocking off too. Sorry, excuse the pun.

Monday, 27 September 2010

'Robinson Crusoe' Living On Thames Island

Crazy old tramp 'Nick' claims to have been enjoying the freedom of living in a tree house on a small island of the river Thames, an island that floods daily.

Nick says of life on Chiswick Eyot, " Things are now simple and uncomplicated. You don't have to go out and lock any doors. If most people had to choose between being here on an island and being in a bank or a government office, they would say 'oh give me the island' "

Well, can't fucking argue with that I guess.

BBC video here.

Why ? Fucking Why ?

"Flying of double string kites prohibited" Didn't the Taliban try that shit ?

Oh What The Fuck !

Saturday, 25 September 2010

Put A Bag On It Love

OK, so I've just decided my last post was way too fucking depressing for a Saturday afternoon and was going to do one about a story that's had me laughing the last few days, the one about the bird who was advised to put a bag over her head, or stand behind a wall when attending job interviews, by a Job Centre worker who pointed out that her facial piercings aren't gonna do her any favours in the search for work but Leg Iron already has this story perfectly wrapped up right here at underdogs bite upwards.

I just want to know who the Job Centre employee is. He should get an award of some sort surely ? I would have fucking paid to have been there !

Why The Double Standards ?

Burn a Christian symbol on the streets of London and you will not be charged with 'inciting racial hatred'.
Ban the cross of St George flag from an English premier league stadium, on the grounds that England's national flag is a racist symbol, and no one will accuse you of 'inciting racial hatred'.
Go out and burn the bible and I bet you will not be arrested on 'suspicion of inciting racial hatred'.
Why would you be, it's not as if Christians are a race now are they ?
But, burn the Quran and - even though only the most stupid would try and argue that Muslims are a race - you will be arrested on suspicion of inciting racial hatred.

Whatever the reason or reasons for this I don't know. There are probably many reasons, ranging from the seemingly harmless yet infinitely dangerous 'political correctness' that infests the whole of the British Isles, right up to good old fashion fear, the fear held by many here that Islam is the one thing that one just doesn't fuck with if one knows what is good for oneself.
Whatever the reason I do know this - there are some here in England that do not fear Islam and they never will. These people can't help but see that the continued and growing presence of Islam in these isles is eroding their long held freedoms. They see that there are now double standards in operation, double standards being applied only to them and they do not like it. They are young, disillusioned, many of them out of work, hardly any of them interested in politics, even less of them interested in being told how to speak, how to think or how to behave and their numbers are growing.
I also know this - Having plod arrest them for so called 'hate crimes', when the apparent targets of their hate are being treated with kid gloves for doing the same, is really starting to fuck them off and this is going to lead to trouble, serious fucking trouble, sooner rather than later.
It's going to lead to trouble for Muslims and non-Muslims alike and it's especially going to lead to trouble for the Police and Government.
These double standards need sorting out.

Friday, 24 September 2010

Stating The Bloody Obvious

So Her Majesty’s Chief Inspector of Constabulary has released a report which states something that everyone one else has known for quite some time now, anti-social behaviour is out of control and Plod can't really be arsed dealing with it

I mean, it's not as if you have to risk life and limb by venturing into the grounds of some wretched council estate to witness it. Oh no, just take a wander through our parks, down our high streets or into our city centres and you're sure to find it.
I used to live in a complete shit-hole by the name of East Acton and I only had to open my door to have some young street urchin 'throwing gang signs' at me, the last time I visited Oxford street I witnessed some crack-head blow his top and hurl an ashtray about - which he had stolen to use as a tip cup - after a PCSO moved him on for using a traffic cone as a trumpet in an attempt to have people pay him to shut the fuck up.

Now according to the home office, antisocial behaviour is "any aggresive, intimidating or destructive behaviour that damages or destroys another person's quality of life".

Well that pretty much sums up the last 13 years of Labour government.

A Complete Cluster Fuck

New photos have emerged of the total shit show that's meant to be this year's Commonwealth Games in India, due to start just 10 days  from now. Quite how they've managed to allow construction to run on this long, when the organisers see no problem in the use of slave labour and are not hampered by any Health and Safety laws, I don't know.

Are you still happy to have the employees of Indian call centres, many of which live in far greater squalor than a few unfinished hotels, given access to your personal details, control of your computer when you require online help, access to your bank accounts and banking passwords ?

Tuesday, 21 September 2010

Freak Of The Week IV

Before I announce this weeks winner may I just take a moment to congratulate the inaugural winner of Groompy's Freak of The Week, Mary Bale. Now some of you may only remember Mary by her stage name, Cat-Bin Lady, but like all former winners of The X Factor  Freak of The Week our Mary has gone on to bigger and better things and has today announced she is to be charged with not one, but two counts of animal cruelty. Well done Mary, well done.
Now run along and microwave a guinea pig or some other such small and defenceless creature you adorable old weirdo.

Anyway moving on and this week it's been a close call as always, freaks are auditioning in their thousands but there can only be one and this week I bring you Lib-Dumb Man.

Really, what type of freak falls asleep during his own party's conference ?
Especially in a manner that provides the assembled press photographers with the type of picture that suggests he may possibly be dead. Dead after listening to the most mind-numbing spirit-crushing bullshit, in the entire history of bullshit, that has ever been projected upon a gathered crowd.
Poor bugger !

Is it just me or does there not only seem to be an awful lot of empty seats there, but also a very, oh how should I put it, 'aged' crowd. Maybe all Lib-Dem supporters are on their way out and this freak is just the begging of a mass extinction that will see off the party once and for all. Who knows ? We can only live in hope.

The Strangeness Of It All

The All Seeing Eye has a good post up about one of those great Islamic inventions that the world could simply not do without, The Porto-Mosque or 'mosque in a box'.

And that's basically what it is, a fucking cardboard box by the looks of it. I had to laugh when looking over the pictures of this thing I tell you. In one the entrepreneurial imam is showing off a few of these contraptions in a room and each one is pointing in a different direction. If any are pointing to Mecca I don't know, nor do I give a shit, but if the imam is planning to deploy these things into the workplace, as he says he is, then he may want to consider going back to the drawing board.
I shouldn't be too critical though, a fool and his money are easily parted as they say and in the market this imam is targeting I see plenty of fools.

Anyway the Eye's post reminded me of something I stumbled upon a while back, the 'Auto Wudu Washer'

The Auto Wudu. Made in Australia.

Now I'm  not being funny but, before ever knowing what the hell these things were, I travelled to many an Islamic country and I'm just glad I never encountered one less I just happened to mistake if for some sort of futuristic, super-duper, all in one urinal.
I'm guessing that would be a costly mistake.

Sunday, 19 September 2010

The Hypocrisy Of Peter Tatchell

So around 10,000 have protested against the Pope's visit in London today. Good for them, It's their god damned right to protest.
Led by the media's favourite commie queer, Peter Tatchell - who seems willing to protest against almost fucking anything these days, even if he ends up getting seven shades of shit kicked out of him for his troubles - they marched east from Hyde Park corner to Downing street many carrying placards that read "the Pope protects paedophile priests".

Now the Pope does indeed protect paedo priests and eternal shame on him for that, but for Tatchell to be leading a protest with that issue as one of their main gripes, well that's a little bit fucking rich isn't it ?
This is the same Peter Tatchell that says "while it may be impossible to condone paedophilia, it is time society acknowledged the truth that not all sex involving children is unwanted, abusive and harmful... several of my friends – gay and straight, male and female – had sex with adults from the ages of nine to 13. None feel they were abused".
Oh right so not all sex with kids is 'unwanted, abusive and harmful' unless of course a priest is involved and then it's dirty. What the fuck ? I fell quite ill just reading that crap !

As for our Pete having a whinge about Ratzinger's visit being funded by the taxpayer. Well fuck me, how many of his little LGBT rights and human rights projects are funded by taxpayers that don't even know what LGBT stands for - or even care if they do know - and would rather never hear that term 'human rights' ever fucking again ?

Sheer fucking hypocrisy !

Saturday, 18 September 2010

Wednesday, 15 September 2010

Feeling It

Well having spent the weekend and yesterday in Germany and having drunk a stupid, stupid amount of beer, vodka, raki, Bacardi, tequila, Jagermeister and a few other demon-drinks that I care not to recall whilst over there, I still don't feel quite up to bashing out a post which would require any effort. So I'll just regurgitate some of the weekend's news items that were waiting for me once I came round from my self-inflicted stupor shall I.

First up, good news. It seems the world did not end. The gates of Hades did not open up and spew forth all manner of pestilence and destruction upon the west. Millions upon millions of bearded maniacs did not finally lose their flimsy grip on reality, rise up, vent supreme and in one almighty push of mouth-foaming chest-slapping shoe-throwing rage, rid the world of us infidels once and for all.
This can mean only one thing...  Some crazy old guy from Florida didn't set fire to a pile of books then ?

Second, a British kid  conspiracy theorist  legend has gone and got himself banned for life from the states after refusing to produce his birth certificate when asked  getting drunk and sending the White House an email in which he called their Messiah, amongst other things a 'prick'.
Well that's what the papers are saying anyway, but I hear he actually wrote a scathing critique of Obama's latest book. Quite where Obama found the time to write this I'll never fucking know ! I guess somewhere amongst walking on water, screwing the US economy and praying 5 times a day ?

The European Commission's vice-president Viviane Reding has labeled France's crackdown on Gypsies as "disgraceful" and says she is "personally appalled" by the actions of the Frogs.
'Disgraceful', 'personally appalled'. Strong words those. I wonder what words Ms Reding would use to describe a non-democratic super state trampling rough-shod over the rights of millions of people.
Actually I don't wonder, I know exactly what that bitch would call it... a wet dream.

Last but not least, the US middle-east envoy is still daring to dream for a "two states for two peoples" solution. You know Israelis and Palestinians and fluffy white doves all living side-by-side in harmony.
Yes, George Mitchell - no not George Michael, you will find no details of his latest shenanigans around here - is on the telly right now as I type,  he's making all the usual noises about a 'solution' but I'm not really listening 'cause I've heard it fucking all before. .
News flash for my friend Mr Mitchell... Solution, ha ! Never gonna happen buddy, never.
Those 'two peoples' you mention, well they both believe that they are, in effect, the 'chosen people' and unless you have some grand plan to make them all stop believing that, well from now to eternity or from now until one destroys the other, all solutions will turn out to be nothing of the sort.
Sure, plenty of people will get rich acting as peacemakers but nothing will ever change. Sorry.

That's it for now. Dinner, then a good long think about cutting down on drinking, then bed.

Saturday, 11 September 2010

International Binning Bureaucracy Day

Ealing Police have 'binned bureaucracy' today.

"To boost efficiency Ealing Police officers and staff are being encouraged to empty drawers, shelves and filling [sic] cabinets of all unwanted, irrelevant paperwork and duplicated policies. All old borough-based policing policies, action plans and unnecessary paperwork will be shredded in three backyards of the three main stations in Ealing, Acton and Southall."
'We found paperwork to shred. Don't worry, your records are safe'

Freak Of The Week III

The little freak pictured above will never know how close it came to becoming the third installation in my Freak'o'th'week series. Oh well... Too bad ya little fucking freak !
No, no that was a bit harsh. I actually have a future post planned for my mate, the yellow-bellied three-toed death-serpent, it will also involve Stephen Hawking and some Islamic scholar so in that grouping he will at least come second in the freak stakes.

No instead, this week's freak is the adorable puppy-dog featured in this video.

How can an adorable little puppy-dog be labeled a freak you ask ? Oh, you'll see.

Thursday, 9 September 2010

Arise Sir Harperson.

I see this morning that ultra feminazi and man-wannabe Harpie Harperson has failed in her effort to have the Labour cabinet made up, regardless of talent, of 50/50 men and women.

Now I'm wondering, if she had succeeded, which camp would Harpie fall into ? Man, woman, other ?
I mean Labour's usual opposition cabinet numbers 19. So if she had succeeded a 50/50 split would need 9 men, 9 women and 1 'other'.

Step forward the thing that is Harperson.

My Heart Goes Out...

...Even to my enemies.

Now I consider, in my heart, David Cameron to be my enemy. I despise the man, I see him as nothing more than a traitor to my homeland and until he, at the very least, gives me my vote on the UK's continuing membership of the EU, he will remain in my eyes as such.

However, with the news that his father has passed so close to the birth of his daughter, my heart does indeed feel for him.

Tuesday, 7 September 2010

And Still The Bodies Pile Up

Oh looky, my Religion Of Peace widget is about to roll over from counting 15999 deadly terror attacks - carried out in the name of Islam - since 9-11, to 16000.

You know, I sometimes get get a strange sense of happiness and achievement at watching my motor's odometer roll over a whole heap of digits in one go... This isn't really the same though is it ? Definitely no sense of happiness.
Still it points to the same basic thing though, something is definitely in need of a 'tune up'.

Getting On My Tits.

Oh right, so a family of 12, raping the taxpayer for £95,000 a year in benefits, have been given another house after they trashed the last one have they ? Oh I see, now they're complaining that the free breakfasts that are brought do their door every morning are “too stingy” and “not like proper hot food”. Whats that ? Oh they say they shouldn't have to heat up these free breakfasts, oh they want me to pay for that too do they ?

Well this is really starting to get on my fucking tits... literally.

45-50 hrs I week I slave away to provide for me and mine and every day I drag my sorry arse to work I get these pictures in my head of me being some fucking great sow, laid back in the mud while a litter of ungrateful little piggies like this lot suck away at my tits - suckle, suckle, suckle - slowly leaching all the goodness and nourishment from me. Get off ! Get off my breasts you ungrateful little swine, no more milk for you, you horrible little cunts. Go on, go now, go off into the wilderness and starve you little rats, you're of no benefit to our species. Fuck off and die, every last stinking one of you. You Porky. You Feckless. You Hopeless. And You, oh yes you too, are you even mine you little shit ? You sure don't look, sound, or even fucking smell like me.

Fuck off, I care not if you starve !

Sunday, 5 September 2010

People In Glass Houses...

Yes, good advice from the boys in blue that. Always consider your horse power, otherwise this might happen.

What a pair of retards. Desk duties for the two of them until they learn to behave I think.

Censorship-Free Video Sharing For All.

As youtube seem keen on bowing to the demands of the usual turd munchers opponents of free speech - Islamists, Commies and other assorted fuckwits - a new video sharing site has been launched.

Behold... eyetube

Saturday, 4 September 2010

More Insanity From Our Councils

Skull-fucked council officials in Trowbridge, Wiltshire, have informed elderly residents of a potholed road that their 'wheelie-bin opperatives' will no longer collect the residents' bins from outside their homes as "The surface condition of the unadopted part of Clarendon Road is preventing the bins from being safely manoeuvred for emptying, putting the operatives at risk" and also because"there is a risk that the potholes could cause damage to the vehicle tyres".

Damage the tyres ! Fuck me sideways, it's a rubbish truck for crying out loud. Unless the bin-men are driving around at warp speed factor 10 - which actually would be a serious breach of health and safety -  then a few potholes aren't going to trouble it.
As for 'putting the operatives at risk'... Harden up you lazy fucking cunts !

Friday, 3 September 2010

Imam Rauf Dislikes It.

H/T - All Seeing Eye

You Too Can Be A Big Brother Bimbo !

Looks like the breast specialists - oh aren't we all hey lads - from 'Make Yourself Amazing' have certainly got it down pat when it comes to pumping up the fun-bags of Reality TV contestants.

Although I'm not quite sure they can provide the look Groompy is after. I'm very particular you see.

To be fair to MYA, they did actually offer me a consultation.... MAN BOOBIES !!!

Wednesday, 1 September 2010

Freak Of The Week II

When did August become 'cruelty to small and defenceless animals month' ?

Last week it was Mary Bale, aka Cat Bin Lady, and following in her footsteps  we now have this as yet unidentified, walking advertisement for human sterilisation.

Behold - Puppy River Bitch !

Sure it's a cruel world and, for any number of reasons, sometimes animals need to be put down, even cute ones. But how people derive pleasure from doing it is beyond me.
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