Wednesday, 18 August 2010

You're Nicked, Fatty !

Reading about this just about made my day.

Some thieving prick has gone and got him self stuck in a window for over 5 ½ hours this morning.
Attempting to climb through the 12" x 8" opening at around 0230 hrs, the grubby little cunt soon found he could go neither forwards nor backwards. In an operation involving all three emergency services, which if not for overseas deployment would have been joined by all three armed services, the grey tracksuit-bottomed, Reebok Classic wearing, light fingered ne'er-do-well was eventually freed from his self-inflicted stupidity at around 0830. By now a crowd had gathered and one kindly gentleman, a neighbour and a surgeon by profession, echoed David Cameron's calls for 'big society' and offered to remove the scumbag with no damage to the property. Police thanked him for the offer but politely refused saying 'Cameron is fucking delusional' and that “they would rather get him out in one piece”.
A spokeswoman from the Met has confirmed that a “36yr old man has been held on suspicion of burglary”.
'Suspicion', ha !!!

Sticking with the subject of vermin, the Evening Standard had a piece on London's latest terror threat running directly below the above story. In an article warning how ravenous seagulls will soon bring forth the apocalypse upon Londoners, the quote which most caught my little eye was: “They [Satan's Gulls] are very protective parents, but they'd much rather poo on people than peck them” - RSPB spokesman Tim Webb.

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